MAGICIAN / WHEEL OF FORTUNE / SUN
The Tarot cards for the year are the Magician, The Wheel of Fortune, & the Sun — it’s a 10 year (Wheel of Fortune which also reduces to 1 (Magician). & the Sun (19) reduces to 10, and I think is more of a support card for the year, but I’m really resonating with it, so I’m going to take all three. And, in fact, these three cards just so happen to be my LIFE PATH CARDS. I’m really feeling / wanting to feel inspired, motivated, chosen — I want to have a GLOW UP. This is my GLOW UP year. I am manifesting, turning energy into matter.
THE MAGICIAN
This is a card I connected with while I was in grad school — it’s really important to me.
I also just happened to have read up on this card as part of my Tarot project, & one important way I did this was by reading about it alongside all the other 1’s (the Aces, the Wheel of Fortune, & the Pages — which I haven’t actually gotten to, because that started feeling like too much information). My understanding is that both the Magician & the Wheel are about working with the energies of the universe/the world, and in the Magician this is chanelled through the “I.”
The number 1 is “the principle of unity that underlies all numbers” (Gray, A Complete Tarot, 185) & it is “the first manifestation of the unmanifest.” It represents both “multiplicity” in “fragments” &, combined, it is “unity” within “infinity.” It is “equated with the One God, the oneness of mankind, the power of Selfhood, of self-reliance, dignity, [and] rulership” and “it is the Wand of the Magician, the poower placed in the Man’s hands to accomplish through Will.” The One represents “beginnings, opportunity, originality” & “the self.”
And then the Aces, which “signify beginnings” are the “raw material” of each suit: the Ace of Cups, the Ace of Pentacles, the Ace of Swords, & the Ace of Wands. According to Red Tarot, the Aces are the “subject,” “the narrator,” “the I,” “the particular gaze” which “always belongs to the particular person.” The “Ace is each suit’s absolute, enocmpassing all of its encoded knowledge,” and each of these elements is the Magician’s tools, who uses them to manifest, to turn energy into matter.
The Magician represents “determination, skill, focus, [&] manifestation” (Taschen Tarot) and as a number one, it also represents “new beginnings & opportunities.” In the card, the Magician stands with one arm up “toward the Universe” & “the other pointing down to the earth…represent[ing] his connection between the spiritual & material realms,” as “the Magician uses this relationship to create & manifest his goals in the physical realm.” The infinity symbol & the ourobouros represent the Magicians’ “access to unlimited potential.”
In Red Tarot, Christopher Marmolejo writes that “as the Magician, ‘I’ navigate worlds” and “gather all the elements of my being….I may have nothing more than my intellect & emotions, but even in the midst of chaos I make my life meaningful.” The Magician works with a “more-than-human communication,” & “by restoring communication with the more-than-human, we re-member our autonomy, our cosmic autonomy, & we find an expression of the profound peculiarity of our shared interiority.”
THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE
The Wheel of Fortune is a card I’ve never understood much beyond “everything changes.” But in reading about it, I have come to learn how complex and mystical it is, and particularly its imagery. The Wheel represented is “ever-turning” & “carries [women] & their destinies up & down,” representing “the perpetual motion of a fluid universe &…the flux of human life with in it.” (Gray, A Complete Guide to the Tarot) The wheel has three circles: an inner wheel representing “creative force,” a middle wheel representing “formative power,” and the outer wheel, representing “material world.” It also has eight spokes, representing “universal radiant energy,” which echoes the eight-pointed Star in the Star card & is also seen in the Fool’s costume. There are four mystical animals representing the fixed signs of the Zodiac (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, & Aquarius) and a Sphinx at the top of the wheel, representing equilibrim/”stability amidst movement,” indicating that “we are not always governed by chance & fatality, but” instead “have the power to change our lives.”
This is such a heady card. Biddy Tarot explains that it “reminds you that the wheel is always turning & life is in a state of constant change.” I think the Magician takes control of this and makes things happen within the natural movement of the world. If things are going badly, they will get better and, of course, vice versa. But also, “what you send out into the Universe will come back your way,” so the card “asks you to be optimistic & have faith that the Universe will take care of your situation in the best way possible.” She writes that “your life [will] turn in more positive directions if you are willing to grow & expand” & “keep your mind open to…sychronicities/signs from the Universe” (& Many Moons writes about collaborating with the Unvierse for windows of luck & opportunity. Biddy Tarot: “The magic of fate & desitny is behind you & miracles are happening.” This card can indicate “a critical turning point in your life” where “opportunities you could never imagine are suddenly avialable to you & you have the chance to make a significant change”
In Red Tarot, Marmolejo writes that “the revolutions powered by the Wheel have no end” & it will never “stop at any singular point of resolution.” But this “opens up narrative possibilties that involve the reader’s interpretative choices of possible futures, sharing the narrative responsibility of liberation,” as “the revolution rejects the counterstance of either/or logic.” He writes that “change is the language of luck” and “the Wheel is considered an auspicious augur to appear in a reading” — “Change is a blessing because it offer hope” & “to acknowledge/embrace change is to affirm possibility….Change is transmutation. Death is the hand of change, the force that forces change….The wheel is a metaphor for cyclical time. We engage in a sacred dance to move with the planets in time, to know opportune times to plant, pray, reap, & rest.”
And, “the Wheel is the higher order referenced by the Magician” who “is the astrologer,” while “the Wheel of Fortune is the astrology, both images of each other.” Whereas “the Magician is the subjectivity of the present moment…the Wheel’s consciousness is of eternity, [reminding] us that life is not organized into an endless upward growth; there are periods of harvest, rest, [&] decline….To be stuck in an endless loop of repetition quickly incurs delusion, & so to keep from the ceaseless cycles of pain & suffering, the Wheel of Fortune signals an opportunity for awareness, understanding, & action that closes the loop” — “which evolves the soul’s consciousness.” This is an opportunity, a window. The forces of change are behind me if I work with the universe.
THE SUN
happy birthday
Good morning! I’m in the art room in my house — I took today & tomorrow off as a gift to myself for my birthday & I’ve never loved myself more. I am SO excited to have 2 days to myself to do things I want to do like process / get magical for my birthday (including pulling Tarot cards), paint the art room, knit, sew, & play Animal Crossing. Omg!!! I’m really, really happy about it. And right now I’m sitting at my desk & Garfield is sitting in my lap, the light is coming through the windows & reflecting off the mirror ball all over the room, & I’m listening to summer school radio.
I had a really nice birthday yesterday. I woke up early as I have been doing since daylight saving’s ended, but we stayed in bed until we had to get ready to leave for a wedding around noon. The wedding was joyous and touching — lovely vibes for a birthday ☺ — & afterward there was a break between the ceremony & the reception where they served kimbap and mini sandwiches and Paris Baguette madeleine bears. The wedding was at a botanic garden & it was so autumnal and a bit chilly, and I loved being able to walk around & spend some time outdoors on my birthday, and kept looking up to the trees blowing in the wind (which feels so sacred to me) during the ceremony. I wore my black velvet Batsheva dress & the earrings S got me & the bigger hoops I bought for N’s wedding. After the ceremony, we drove to Dallas so I could buy a candle at Byredo. I got Summer Rain, which has been on my mind since we first bought a candle (Altar) for Christmas a few years ago. It’s described as evoking “a sudden downpour, heavy drops sizzling on sun-warmed earth. A refreshing parenthesis on a summer day representing the restoratie power of nature. Opening notes of basil & spearment bring a fresh breeze, with vibrant green fig & ginger. As rain fades, sandalwood & tonka settle, grounding the composition.”
& then we had a glass of wine at Eataly & then dinner at Sister, which was just as lovely & fun as I hoped. This is what we had:
Lobster panzanella with dijonaiise, celery salad, & burrata
Za’atar foccacia with chili olive tapenade
Broccoli with chili garlic vinaigrette (& it was spicy!), pistachios, & citrus jam
Casarecce a giallo with crispy speck, burratina, & gai-lon
Pesto fusilli with fennel sausage, smoked almonds, & goat cheese
Pesto fusilli
Lemon pana cotta
Lobster panzanella
Precious S
Casarecce a giallo
I drank a Pan Pac Sour (which was cute & delicious — Iwai 45 whisky, Kota Pandan liqueur, lemon, & eggs whites) and a Nice Pear (Townes vodka, St. George ‘Spiced Pear’ liqueur, lemon, & honey).
Then we raced home listening to my birthday playlist because we couldn’t wait to see our boys again. We tried to stay up a bit to watch Jealousy Incarnate, but I was sooo tired & full that I just went to sleep at 9 AM, happy & satisfied.
Now I have two whole days off from work to do MY OWN THING!! And I’m so thrilled. Plus, I bought myself a strawberry lychee cloud cake at Tous les Jours on Saturday that we were too full & tired to eat yesterday, so I still have a birthday cake moment today. I really know how to celebrate!!
Now, here are some of the songs on my veil is thin (peachy) pink November playlist
and finally, here is my birthday tarot reading
3
2 4
1 5
1 — last year: King of Cups
Emotionally balanced, compassionate, diplomatic
“King of Imagination” (Jessica Dore, Tarot for Change, p. 234)
“The King of Cups has to do with willingness, a more receptive application of the will. Floating on the sea, he exists in a state of being prepared & ready to do with is required in order to accept & stay afloat as the water rise. It is an active acquiescence.…A King might stand for one with the competence to find resolution where others had been unable to. Emotions are often passed down through generations until they reach someone who has the right set of resources & abilities to resolve them,” meaning “to clear a space for them to emerge, unfold, & find full expression. Water has for so long been a symbol of birth & life, & I would argue that emotions…simpyl want what all other life wants: to be born, to have a safe space to express fully, & to die, eventually as all living things do. While our human impulse is often to deny our feelings that fundamental right, the King of Cups protects it.”
“Upright, you are in tune with your own emotional management, & you don’t let your emotional fluctuations affect others. You are trusted & consistent, while still acknowledging the emotional depths within.” (Rachel Howe, Tarot Reversals Guidebook)
“The King of Cups represents mastery over the realms of emotion, creativity, & the unconcious….You have gained control of your feelings & can accept them without allowing them to get the better of you. Even when life throws you a curve ball, you can draw on your emotional maturity & stability to help you navigate these challenges….If you are being challenged personally, the King of Cups suggests you need to remain emotionally mature when faced with negative energy from others” & “firm on your personal boundaries, stating what is/not acceptable on an emotional level. The King is level-headed & in control of his emotions” & “embodies the perfect balance between the executive & the heart….As a leader, you care as much about achieving your goals & objectives as you do about making sure everyone is happy & engaged along the way….The King of Cups is compassionate toward others, creating strong bonds & relationships based on patience & understanding. As you interact with others, you may need to navigate their strong feelings & emotional triggers so you can create a sense of peace in your interactions. He may appear in your life as a mentor, coach, or spiritual guide; or you may step into this role yourself.”
2 — something to leave behind: 5 of Wands
Conflict, disagreements, competition, tension, diversity
Fighting with my internal parts
“The 5s typically represent conflict & change” & “this card indicates that you are in the midst of battle & competition with others & it is impacting your ability to move forward with your goals. Rather than being able to work towards a common goal, you are running up against constant oppression” [jealousy, internal conflict, OCD]
“With the 5 of Wands, everyone is fighting to be heard but…no one is listening. When everybody has a different opinion, but no one is stopping to hear each other out, conflict & misunderstandings will run rampant….See [this] as an opportunity to rise above the chaos/disorder [King of Wands style]” & “take a moment to listen to what others have to say — even if you agree to disagree….The 5 of Wands encourages an enthusiastic approach to change. Transition//even transformation is coming whether or not you like it; your challenge will be in ensuring that everyone is on the same page & dealing with this shift constructively/positively…Currently, your group’s energy is scattered by misdirected enthusiasm. Everybody has ideas, but no one is there to bring them to a logical path forward. Your role may be in identifying a clear strategy & purpose that can be implemented by all involved.” (Biddy Tarot)
“Upright, [there is a] high level of activity [that] has purpose & can be exciting” and “meaning in the busyness. Slow down so that you can separate out which actions are meanignful & what is activity for the sake of being busy.” (Rachel Howe, Tarot Reversals Guidebook)
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, & because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium & it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly & directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open & aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open….No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching & ameks us more alive than the others.” (Martha Graham)
“We each contain a diverse ‘internal family’ of psychological parts, &…it’s when those parts are in conflict that we tend to feel stuck. This concept comes from the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy, developed by Richard Scwartz, who wrote, ‘it is as if we each contain a society of people, each of whom is at a different age & has different interets, talents, & temperaments,’ & that ‘once we get beyond our cultural bias toward viewing oruselves as consistent, unitary individuals, the multiplicity paradigm makes immediate intuitive sense.’ When conflict exists among our ‘internal family’ members, we tend to try to pick a side & silence all dissenting parts. But since we can’t ever get rid of any of the family members (we can & do exile them, but they don’t actually go anywhere & that’s another story), we tend to wear ourselves out expressing one part or another & locking into the belief that we’ve finally ‘made up our mind,’ only to change it days, hours, sometimes even minutes later….The parts we attempt to silence//reject have a way of coming back louder & more convincing or showing up in unexpected ways that undermine what decisions we have been able to make….What happens when step back & make space for all of these parts to exist that we realize that we actually don’t have to choose one & get rid of another in order to move forwrad. The 5 characters in the 5 of Wands image are bumping up against each other & not much is getting done, but none are in actual danger, they’re just different. Ultimately, it’s the part of us that looks over the 5 of Wands form a bit of a distance that does the decision making, not any one part in the image. When we see the parts there in front ofus, as this image invites us to do, we realize on an experiential level that who we truly are is probably not any one of those parts & therefore it is not the task to choose one. We get to be the sky, as Buddhist nun Pema Chodrön says, & realize that ‘everything else — it’s just the weater.’” (Jessica Dore, Tarot for Change, 141-142.”
Regarding the “multiplicity of desires” — we don’t have to "suggest hat any form of desire is wrong or lesser; instead…[explore] the beauty of feeling overcome with yearning for everything & everyone and actually letting yourself want all of it & do all of it without feeling wrong. To be undefined & unsure & yet wholly realized.” (source)
3 — a gift to myself: Ace of Wands
Inspiration, new opportunities, growth, potential
“This Wands card brings you pure potential — this time in the spiritual, energetic realm. Ideas are flowing to you, motivating & inspiring you to pursue a new path. You are open to receiving new opportunities that align with your Higher Self. A whole world of possibility is avilable to you. The Ace of Wands encourages you to follow your heart & live your passion. If you feel a strong pull towards a new project or path, but are questioning whether it will work, then this card gives you a gentle nudge to pursue your passion. You can always start out small, treating the project//idea as an experiment or tril. Then, if it feels good, keep going it; & it if it doesn’t, make adjustments & try again. Let your energy, dedication, & motivation be your guides.” (Biddy Tarot)
“The ace…represents the ‘one’ & thus the raw material of [the] suit” and the wands represent “the domain of energy,” which is “often neglected because it’s the part of our being that can’t be measured. The wands unite the ethereal with the corporeal….Its roots are both spiritual & material….The wand is traditionally associated with the fire element, warmth being the thing that distinguishes the living form the dead. Fire is a necessary part of any therapeutic process” (see: hot cognition, dysregulation). “People go to therapy because some fiery energy — something too hot to handle — is fueling maladaptive behaviors or ravagaing interpersonal relationships with no sign of slowing down. Often it takes a wildfore of some sort in our lives for us to realize it’s time to heal….The wands contain the energy that drives, motivates, & stimulates us….I see the wand as having to do with our desires as well as our ‘intuitive appraisals’ — that initial spark of response within us before we have time to think about what something means, & in doing so repress our feelings about that thing or engage in some act of avoidance.” (Jessica Dore, Tarot for Change)
4 — something to embrace: The World (reversed)
Seeking personal closure, short-cuts, delays
This card “suggests that you are seeking closure on a personal issue. Perhaps you are still emotionally attached to a past relationship & want to move on or you dream of the day you can fit into your old skinny jeans but realize now that your metabolism & body shape changed in the last 10 years. You know, deep down, that to accept & embrace where you are now, you need to let go of the past & move on. Finding closure may be an intensely personal journey — something you manage through journaling, visualization, energy work, & therapy. The World Reversed can signify that you want to fulfill a big goal//complete a big project, but you’re not taking all the steps necessary to get there. You may opt for the easiest//quickest path necessary to attain your goal, but it won’t let to the outcome oyu intend….You need to experience the trials & tribulations along the way so you can learn & grow. And when you do reach your goal, you will enjoy such a fantstic sense of achievement. Don’t be afraid to set stretch goals for yourself, even if it means enduring hardships or challenges along the way; it will make the victory even sweeter. The World Reversed can also indicate a time when you are close to finishing a project//goal, but for whatever reason, you lose focus & slack off right at the end. You only have a short way to go, so why stop now? Re-energize & remind yourself how wonderful life will be when you get the thing you’ve wanted for so long. Sometimes, the World reversed can mean a frustrating delay in completing your projects. You might miss an essential piece, & you won’t find closure until it gets worked out. You may need to get more creative to figure out how to touch the finish line.” (Biddy Tarot)
“Limited vision. Boudn to the beauty in the complexity around you. Immune to the positive energy surrounding you. Resistance. Denial. One doorway is ready to close & another ready to open, but you are not ready, you don’t feel brave enough, or strong enough. Look to tie up loose ends, look for things you are already done with & can release, knowing there is always more to fill the void. Understand that there is no void, ever. Ther is always life filling the space, we just need to see it through new eyes. When upright, there is a natural progression of spinning the web bigger & bigger, of interlocking with others in deeper ways, if we can get out of the way of nature. If we can stop blocking our own potential & capability for more. Love is ever-expanding, it is limitless. Tune into the frequencies of compassion & care, and you will never feel lost, alone, or spiritually imprversihed. Spirit is ine verything, if you can’t find it, it is a message that you are looking in the wrong place or in the wrong way. Learn how to pivot, to relax into a flow, & to surrender the movements of the living world. You are alive, ever-changing, & ther eis always something new and exciting to invovle yourself in. Release expectations of outcome & see yourself accurately where you are in the process. Ther e are always small stepst to take to stay in the enrgy of evolution & expansion. There is so much avialble to you that you refuse to see. All of thise & more. All of thise & Better.”
5 — the year ahead: 4 of Wands
Celebration, joy, harmony, relaxation, homecoming
“You are able to match with the external structures that support your goals & preferences, because you assert your perosnality & you know what you need”
“Joyful celbration, blissful happiness, & appreciation for the good things in life….It is the perfect time to celebrate with those you love most….Can cshow that you are returning home or to the people & places familiar to you. You feel supported/secure knowign you are with those you love & care about you. Because the Four of Wands associates so closely with the home environment, you may work on improving//renovating your house or are close to finding a new one. Perhaps you recently purchased a home & are getting ready to settle down in your new habitate. The Four of Wands tells you that after a period of rapid growth & expansion…it’s now time to pause & celebrate what oyu have achieved so far. Step back for a moment & nejoy the fruits of your labor. Acknowledge your hard work & give yourself permission to take a small break before embarking on the next phase of your journey. It’s essential that you observe these smaller milestones.”
Four — “stability & firm foundations”
“With the Four of Wands, you are now enjoying a period of happiness & security. This card indicates a sense of harmony & balance” + “completion & thus denotes a time of peace & contentment in life that comes as a result of the hard-fought efforts.”
I am thrilled to say that I am writing this on my brand new Macbook Air (less thrilled to say that it’s because the screen on my beloved previous laptop is broken). Now I’m fiddling around on here for fun while S & I watch M3gan. I’m reading this Substack post called “You don’t need an ‘aesthetic,’ you need a value system.” This resonates a LOT because I had a realization while rereading my Morning Pages from the last lunar cycle, & I realized that perhaps one of the reasons I’ve felt uninspired, demotivated, overwhelmed, burnt out, & have been struggling to maintain the intentions I set, is because I’m not really spending enough energy appreciating my life, identifying things that are making me happy, & recognizing nice moments & the progress I’m making. I need to reconnect with my core values (beauty, curiosity, interconnection, freedom, creativity, and, perhaps aspirationally, play) and maybe even my Spiritual Toolkit — I have all these things I’ve set up for myself for moments like this! Always, the hardest part is identifying how I feel in the first place & that I need to check back in with these things. Finally, I’m here, I recognize where I am.
weekly report
S, Chris, & I went to the State Fair on Sunday! My favorite things: Big Tex, Fletcher’s corny dog, antique dolls in the arts & crafts exhibit + that room as a whole (as always), seeing some kind of dessert-tasting competition, cotton candy snowcone beer, Mexican rodeo, hydroponic agriculture, the spraypainted shirt S bought me, blasting Mariah Carey on the train there & back
A recommended JEON SOMI (ex-I.O.I. member!) & I’m loving it.
I’m feeling drawn to what, in my head, I’m thinking of as 1960s/1970s medieval revival fantasy, so colorful, + (as always in the fall) 1980s medievali fantasy (of which I’m disappointed there isn’t more) & want to watch some Russian fairy tale movies. I have many on my list, but have never actually watched any.
I made a list of movies to watch today that seem to speak to this aeshetic, or the one I’m envisioning
Robin & Marian (1976)
Perceval (1978; dir. Éric Rohmer)
Silvestre (1981)
Lancelot du lac (1974)
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)
La passion de Jeanne d’Arc (1928)
Lola Montès (1955)
La Reine Margot (1994)
The Pit & the Pendulum (1961)
Hamlet (1948)
The Masque of the Red Death (1964)
The Lion in Winter (1968)
The Magic Flute (1975)
I’m not a fan of Chappell Roan’s music, but her styling is always so incredible & I saw these images from a recent performance that I’m totally in love with, that hit this vibe exactly & simultaneously make me think of Kate Bush, as many of her looks do.
The Slipper & the Rose (1976)
The Glass Slipper (1955)
Ruslan & Ludmila (1972)
The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm (1962)
Beauty & the Beast (1978)
The Little Mermaid (1976; dir. Kachyňa)
Ondine (1975)
The Little Mermaid (1976; dir. Bychkov)
The Snow Maiden (1968; dir. Kadochinikov)
Viy (1967)
Princess Goldilocks (1973)
The Terribly Sad Princess (1968)
Henry V (1944)
weekly report
plants on my walk with my mom & Val
plants on my walk with my mom & Val
Val got stuck again
I spent Saturday in Coppell with my parents (for the first time in weeks) & my mom & I walked Valentine around Andy Brown (lovely — I saw a lot of turtles & I wish I’d taken a picture of them) & then went to Sherwin Williams to get more paint samples for my living room. And then we had a healthy, simple salad lunch (for which I made a kind of funky dressing, because, sort of humorously, my mom was out of almost every possible ingredient including literally all forms of vinegar) & then watched Poker Face with my dad. & then S got there & we sat outside for a bit, which was v nice.
the beautiful neon pastels I bought at Choosing Keeping
the woodpecker I could see clearly through the art room windows
This incredible giant fish I caught in my new AC game!
On Sunday we did our first official Weekend Reset of the house & it made a big difference. It felt more lived-in than ever. But at the same time, I’m feeling desperate to paint & get rugs & hang art & just generally personalize it. It feels a bit now like we live in someone else’s house, now that the overwhelming feeling of THIS IS A NEW HOUSE is starting to fade away a bit. I wrote in my notebook in the sunlight in the art room & S watched sports & then Chris came over to watch the Mets play (& tragically, lose) & then we bought him a shot at Lucky Lou’s and then watched Industry.
While we were hanging out with Chris, I read this article about the “woman who ate only fruit” and there were some interesting passages that seemed to connect the whole wellness ~thing to the creepy sense of purity that’s pervading the monoculture now.
”Karolina was a firm believer in the power of clean eating: that the purity of what she put into her body translated into the purity of her midn & spirit. This idea is now so commonplaces as to seem incontroversial; countless Instagram infuencers have made a name for themselves by creating content in which proximity to the ‘natural’ is tantamount to health.” & where has that gotten us? The connection, too, to skinniness among the community of eating disordred people with whom she’s associated also seems notable, as she wasted away and received numerous comments praising things like her “‘nice neck & collarbones.’”
Fruitarianism is discussed in terms of "“orthorexia,” '“a pathological obsession with clean eating & ‘purity.’” She watched Q-ANON-adjacent wellness videos & believed in the energetic powers of crystals, and even though it’s clear that at 50-some pounds (!!!) she died from severe malnutrition, people in the furitarian “community” deny that her diet was the cause: “Karolina could have recoeverd from her eating disorder while still on a purely fruitarian diet, they say, if only she had adopted a more positive mind-set.” When, clearly, she wasn’t receiving enough nutrients to live through her way of eating, but, also, it’s totally entertwined with, a symptom of her anorexia/disordered relationship with food and clearly very triggering to, a “smokescreen” for it. One of her peers said, “‘I’ve met a lot of people who get caught in this illusion of trying to achieve purity of the body. And eventually you realize that the body, in its essence, is impure, and that the soul is infinite, & you need the body to be strong if you want to live in this world & be compassionate & help others.’”
Garfield eyeballing me through the window while I talked to the handy lady
I did a Tarot reading for my intention which I think felt so shockingly positive at first glance that I barely registered it. I took a picture of the spread, picked up the cards, & moved on. But maybe I should look into a bit more
Past: 10 of Cups
Divine love, blissful relationships, harmony, alignment (Biddy Tarot)
”Embodies happiness, joy, & emotional contentment, particularly in your relationships/family. You have created an abundance of love/happiness in your life, & now you share this love with others….Often appears when you are surrounded by your loved ones” & “you appreciate/support one another” & “help each other reach your highest potential.” Indicates “a sense of wholeness, completion, & alignment in your relationships,” “an idyllic state of peace,” etc.
white cake eaten at Eagle Landing with AB
On Monday the handy lady came & toured the house, I made Houston’s Emerald Kale Salad again & my parents worked in the yard. Work was fairly normal all week…afterward I watched The Gilded Age and played around with this & my notebook. On Thursday S worked late & then we met for drinks at Lucky Lou’s again, & yesterday we babysat Lucas (& took him to Chuk E Cheese) so John & Alba could have a date night at Osteria il Muro, their first time there! I was satisfied & happy that they said it was incredible, 5/5, & they brought us home a delicious flourless? chocolate cake with caramel & some kind of cream rolled into a perfect shiny ball, and S & I ate it in bed and watched TikToks in bed and listened to music & then read until bedtime.
Present: The Heirophant
I always kind of struggle with this card.
Spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, tradition, institutions [I think I’m trying to ground back into these things] (Biddy Tarot)
”Represents an established set of spiritual values/beliefs….Before you can discover your own belief systems/make your own choices…[it] encourages you to learn the fundamental principles from a trusted source….If you have done this, you may be taking on the role of teacher/mentor….Suggest you are following conventions & staying within the bounds of a ‘tried & test’ model [calorie counting, honestly. I’m trying to reconnect with this thing that I know worked in the past.]
Obstacle: Queen of Swords
Independent, unbiased judgement, clear boundaries, direct communication (Biddy Tarot) [Setting boundaries with myself is really a thing I struggle with. And with others, who influence me]
”Combines the mental clarity/intellectual power of the suit of Swords with the maturity/receptiveness of the Queen….The gift of being able to use your intellect/unbiased judgement while also remaining flexible/open to receive input from other sources….Lead[ing] from the head/not the heart….As a determined, independent, & resilient person, you have established clear boundaires, & you are quick to call out someone who crosses them.”
Advice: 9 of Pentacles
Abundance, luxury, self-sufficiency, financial independence (Biddy Tarot)
”You have worked hard to create abundance in your life & the 9 of Pentacles says now you can finally enjoy the fruits your labor.” [No need to indulge in unhealthy coping mechanisms — this is a new day, a new chapter]
”Do not be scared to splurge, indulge//pamper yourself, esp as a reward for all of your hard work” [Maybe find healthy ways to do this? Lean into what feels good in a way that works with the Queen of Swords.] “This is your opp to acknowledge your achievements/re-energize yourself for the final phase….This card also suggests that you are in harmony with the environment around you [this house]. You appreciate the beauty/abundance found in nature, & you can harness this high-vibe energy to bring pleasure into your life. You may enjoy gardening…or you may just like to pass your time in the beauty of nature with picnics or walks in the park.”
Outcome: Ace of Pentacles
A new financial//career opportunity, manifestation, abundance (Biddy Tarot)
”New beginnings, opportunities, & potential” that “correlate to the material world: finances, wealth, career, physical health, & manifestation of your goals….But it is not a free ride. As with all Aces…this card illustrates the possibility of a new endeavour but does not guarantee its manifestation//success. This piece is up to you. See the Ace of Pentacles as your ‘green light.’ It marks the initial stages of manifesting your goals & assures you that you can truly achieve what you have set your mind to do….Through careful planning/determined effort, you can manifest your goals & desires. Your ideas are ready to turn into something tangible/real!”
I tried a lot of paint colors this week — oh yeah! I took a sick day yesterday, tee hee. I cried in the morning about needing a break, so I pulled the trigger. I picked up some books at the North Branch Library just for fun, the butter kitchen yellow paint sample at Ace (where everyone is so nice) & another couple of pint-sized cream white paint samples at Lowe’s and then I tested them and, THRILLINGLY, I think I found one I might settle on. So now I’m so eager to paint.